Industry Insider Contest Winner, Tyler Marceca, Sells Script with Mark Wahlberg

Hello Everyone. Here's an interview for you to read. I got it today in my email.

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The Writers Stores sits down with Tyler Marceca, recent winner of The Writers Store Industry Insider Contest,to discuss his journey as a screenwriter, what he learned during the contest’s mentoring process, and the excitement of selling his contest-winning script to Universal with Mark Wahlberg attached.

The Writers Store: Let’s start with the first basic question: When did you begin writing screenplays?

Tyler: Probably close to five years ago at this point. I believe the impetus to write came from an article I saw in “SlashFilm.” It was about “The Black List,” and I remember thinking at the time that screenwriting was a more or less an impenetrable career; but seeing the names on “The Black List, ” that at least fifty people were doing it, it certainly demystified it a bit for me.

TWS: And you said why not?

Tyler: Yes. When I saw that I thought maybe I could give it a try. When I was younger, I always loved writing, and I’ve always loved movies. It wasn’t until I was 23 that I realized that I should try combining the two.

TWS: There are a lot of contests out there, what attracted you to The Writers Store Industry Insider Contest?   

Tyler: Well, I received an e-mail about the contest. I know that there are a lot of reputable contests out there but I also know that there’s a fair amount of contests that are primarily money grabs. What attracted me to this contest was that I had done a little research at that point about a screenwriter’s career, and a lot of it isn’t just necessarily cooking up your own ideas and developing them as specs. When you’re a paid screenwriter, a working screenwriter, a lot of it is rewrite work and assignment work. I figured it would be an interesting exercise to see if I could take an idea that wasn’t essentially mine, run with it, and see if I could develop it into a feature script.

TWS:  At the very least it was going to be a great exercise.

Tyler: Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to make it sound like I did it on a lark, but I did it more as a writing exercise. I really didn’t expect things to play out the way they did.

TWS:  When Mario and I talked while we were mentoring, I would say that there’s often always a stronger candidate and someone who is a little bit further back; but I always told Mario that these people, whether they win this contest or not, I feel like they’ve already won. I almost wish that this contest existed when I started screenwriting because it would be great! As much as you’re getting a logline that’s been handed to you, you’re having someone who’s done it a few times basically say, “This is where you’re making your mistakes and here’s what tweaks you can make.” I always felt that the contest was won the minute you were one of the ten finalists. 

Tyler: Oh, absolutely! A guy who was a finalists in the previous round of the contest said something like, “I wish I could be a perpetual finalist”, because it really is a rewarding experience. It gives you something that you don’t really get too much of when you’re toiling away on your scripts in solitude. Being a finalist in the contest gives you that immediate gratification and response to your work. It’s not just someone reading your first draft, it’s someone reading every ten pages and working with you along the way. I didn’t have peers and I didn’t have a writing community, so it was a great experience for me to have someone that I could trust and whose notes and feedback I valued .

TWS: On that note, let’s get a little more specific. What was it like getting feedback from Mario Mareno (spelling?) in particular?

Tyler: He was really great. He had this way about giving you feedback that was incredibly detailed but it was never done in a forceful way. I don’t want to say he was delicate, but he just knew how to ask the right questions. He wouldn’t necessarily tell me what I should be doing, but he would ask me questions like: “Are we spending too much time away from the protagonist?” or, “Is this scene going on a little too long?” He would never give me the easy answers. He would just ask those types of questions. Figuring out the answers benefited the script.

TWS: And what would you say you learned most about the craft during your mentor sessions with Mario that you hadn’t encountered or thought about before you came to the contest?

Tyler: The importance of pacing. The way it worked for me, and I know the other finalists had different approaches to the contest, but my approach was that I didn’t discuss any story with Mario. I didn’t outline the narrative for him in any way. I simply gave him ten pages every week not only to get his feedback on the content itself, but to gauge his response as a first time read. Basically, every week I had to give him ten pages and in those ten pages I never wanted there to be a moment where it was filler or that second act stuff that you had to kind of slog through. I always wanted there to be some kind of conflict or drama within each of those ten pages. I wanted there to be something in there that would make the pages read quick and create a fluid reading experience. Moving forward, I will always think in that ten-page mindset because of the contest.

TWS: How did you connect to a logline that didn’t originate from you?

Tyler: Well I thought the logline was really good because it was very fertile but not limiting. There were obviously a lot of different directions you could go with it but you could already kind of see the movie taking shape just from the log line.

TWS: Right. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what story you’re given, what logline you’re given, or what assignments you’re given, you try to find a thematic value that you can attach to that logline. Did you do anything like that?

Tyler: As soon as I heard the logline, I didn’t know what the particulars of the story were going to be or what specific direction the narrative would take but I knew I wanted to do something that would center on a conspiracy. I knew there was a great mystery in there: a man’s wife dies in the backyard almost right under his nose and he decides to investigate it. I just thought it was very fertile for a conspiracy type thriller.

TWS: As the winner of this contest, one of the rewards was meeting A-list screenwriter, Robert Mark Kamen. Tell me what it was like meeting him and if you have kept in touch.

Tyler: Well, it was a very trippy experience meeting him because we met at The Ivy which was a place I was aware of even prior to the contest, and it was a very sceney type of spot. Sitting down with an A-list screenwriter at that kind of place was obviously very surreal. Robert was really funny and this might sound like a contradiction in terms, but he was a fresh breath of New York air. He was quick not to bullshit me and wanted to set me straight about how difficult this career can be. He made a point of even saying, “You’re not a blip on the radar you’re a burp” and, “you’re not a flavor of the month, you’re a flavor of the day.” He ended up calling some executive he was on a first name basis with and when he got on the phone he said something along the lines of, “I’m sitting with this kid and he wrote this great script. Too many big words, but a great script!” He’s a nice guy and he was going on and on and then he mentioned my name and whoever he was speaking to on the phone, they actually had already heard of me. They had already read the script and that was kind of surreal. We actually kept in contact throughout the whole process and still speak to this day. I’m glad he always took my calls during that time and hopefully he’ll continue to take my calls because I know I’ll always take his.

TWS: That’s great! So, if you had a real pressing question or you didn’t know what to do in regards to a business transaction that was about to take place, you could pick up the phone and call him and ask if he’s ever been in this situation before, or what’s his advice?

Tyler: Yes, that’s what I did a lot. There were a couple of writers that I ended up connecting with through random circumstances that I was able to call as well and say, basically, “I don’t know what I’m doing , what should I do? “

TWS: (Laughs) That’s wonderful! Your winning script has since gone on to a bidding war in Hollywood and eventually sold to Universal with Mark Wahlberg attached to star in it. If you can, tell us what that experience felt like.

Tyler: It was vomit inducing! It ended up really working out but it was my first time going through that process. I guess I’ve been just incredibly wary about the whole process since everything first started for me. I’ve always been waiting for the other shoe to drop so when they told me that it sold and who was attached I still didn’t really process it. I was still waiting for someone to tell me that this wasn’t going to work out.

TWS: Of course, because you are always expecting something to go wrong. But just for the sake of the people out there who are reading the magazine, and who want to understand what that experience was like, paint a picture for us of what you were doing when that phone call came in.

Tyler: I was trying to work on my new script, but all I’m doing really is refreshing my e-mail ad nauseam and checking my phone constantly. I’m just waiting for the call or waiting for the e-mail so that I can finally take a breath. My reps were great about keeping me apprised throughout and I was just incredibly relieved once the deal went through.

TWS: Did you celebrate?

Tyler: I went out for a drink afterwards. My friends were in Atlantic City and because the deal didn’t go through until Friday, I didn’t really have time to go down with them. I still had some people around here though, so I went to a bar and drank an expensive Scotch; well, more expensive than I usually order. I plan on celebrating in proper fashion next weekend. I have a bachelor party coming up. Yeah, my nerves were frayed by the end but I was very happy with where it went and who it went with.

TWS: What did your parents think?

Tyler: Oh, they weren’t conscious by the end of it either. There really wasn’t any rational person in the whole scenario. Everyone was just kind of nervous and hoping for the best and possibly planning for the worst. My parents were obviously thrilled. I don’t think it’s fully sunk in yet but we’re all starting to process it.

TWS: One final question: what lies on the horizon now for Tyler Marceca?

Tyler: (chuckles) You know, that’s something I’m curious to know as well. I’m writing a new spec that I told my managers and my agents about. I told them that I had this idea, and they encouraged me to pursue it so I’m working on that. I’m also looking at assignments and seeing what kind of new opportunities will possibly come along my way. I’m seeing if there’s anything that I’m interested in and looking at what I think I’ll be a good fit for, but still always plugging away on a new spec, so we’ll see how it goes.

TWS: Are you moving to Hollywood any time soon?

Tyler: Yes. I have to get everything in order. I haven’t even looked at apartments and I don’t even have a car. That’s all stuff I need to take care of first but yeah, that’s something I plan on doing soon. I think I might have to fly out before the move to take some more meetings but hopefully before the summer lets out I’ll be a resident.

TWS: Well Tyler, congratulations! It’s really such a wonderful story and everyone at The Writer’s Store is thrilled for you as I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who are happy for you. We are so happy that this contest could facilitate a story like this and hopefully it will do the same for someone else in the future. You being the first to walk away from this and make a big studio sale is just a wonderful  story and we’re glad we got a chance to talk you and for you to share it with us. Thank you so much.

Tyler: I’m glad I could be part of that story and I have a feeling that there will be other similar stories as well through this contest. It’s a really good contest that’s about putting in the work and developing a script that can be successful in the marketplace. It’s much more hands-on than many other contests out there and hopefully a lot more people will look into it and participate.

Go forward and win!

Logline Service

I have been getting a lot of request for loglines. I give different prices . Since I have so many requests for this service, I decided to set a single fix price.

Logline: $5.00 Flat Fee

A synopsis or summery is required. It well be used to form the logline. The logline is just one line.

The 15% discount on Critiques will continue through June

Screenplays

Critique: $50.00 Flat Fee, Discount fee $42.50

 Includes evaluating the basis elements of a script

•  Introduction
•  Development
•  Climax
•  Conclusion
• Character development 
•  Mid point development

Critiques also provide suggestions for improvements and enhancement. 

Payments are made by Paypal or cashier check by mail.


Other services are at regular price.

Query Letters: $25.00 Flat Fee  

Editing: $45.00 Flat Fee

•  Evaluating formatting to industry standards
•  Spelling, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.

Turnaround time:
Editing: 2 weeks
Critique: 2 weeks

Query Letters: 2 weeks

Feel free to contact me at ahicks4298@q.com or ahicks4298@msn.com.

Feel to call me at (360) 696-4298. Ask for Frances.


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Sending Queries to Literary Managers About a Screenplay

Erik Bork- screenwriter

Erik Bork is best known for his work as a writer-producer on the HBO miniseries Band of Brothers and From the Earth to the Moon – for which he won two Emmy and two Golden Globe Awards. He has also worked on the writing staff of two primetime series, sold original pitches, and written pilots and screenplays for most of the major studios and networks. He teaches in National University’s MFA Screenwriting Program, and was rated “Cream of the Crop” in Creative Screenwriting’s “The Best Script Analysts and Consultants.” You can check out his free “Ten Key Principles Successful Writers Understand,”  Please read and enjoy the article he has contributed.

When I work with writers giving feedback and guidance on their material and career paths, I often end up giving advice about how to gain access to agents, managers, and producers – which seems to most writers to be the biggest challenge of this business.

The common conception is that “who you know” is ultimately the key thing, because you can have the greatest script in the world, and if nobody in the industry will read it (because they don’t know you, and you weren’t referred to them by someone they trust), nothing will come of it, right?

True enough. However, this statement misses one key part of the equation: the industry is desperately hungryfor marketable material and writers. And it always has been and will be.

No matter how few paid writing jobs or script sales there might be compared to the number of people who would like to have them (and that will forever be an outrageous ratio), the fact remains that the “development” side of the business is always on the lookout for more “stuff they can sell.”

How desperate are they?

Last year I met a very legitimate, big time manager of working screenwriters at a writing conference I was invited to speak at (where writers had also paid to get five minutes to sit across from the likes of him), and asked him about the best way to “get access” to him and others of his kind.

Here’s what he said:

Send him an e-mail.

What kind of an e-mail? The kind with a quick description of the script you want him to read, and consider representing. The kind that he gets dozens of, every week.

I know, the prospect of “cold queries” seems like a huge long shot, and compared to a personal referral, perhaps it is. But it’s not necessarily worse than the five minute “pitch fest” approach, because ultimately what a manager (or agent, producer or executive) is looking at, in both cases, is the content of the story being proposed. It’s either something they think could be sellable (in a pitch or a short query), or it isn’t.

This particular manager said he gets about 100 such query e-mails a week.

And he asks to read the script for about 80 of them.

That’s right, 80 out of 100.

Another high-end manager I met at the same conference confirmed that this same process works, and also said she also gets about 100 a week, but she only asks to read about 10 of the scripts. She’s tougher on the loglines and synopses than he is. (And it’s possible that some are even tougher — and that agents, for instance, will be harder to get the attention of than managers, due to the differences in what they do and how they do it.)

Here’s the one thing they both agreed about, though, which is really the key point I want to make: out of the scripts that do get to them, they have only have interest in less than one script a week — and maybe as few as a handful each year.

In other words, regardless of the synopsis in the query, the script almost always fails to impress them as something they could do something with (or the writer as one they could “sell”).

The big challenge, then, is not so much about getting your material in front of the professionals who can help you. It’s making sure that the script you put in front of them will really impress them, when you do. This is the hard part. And this is what is rare, highly valued, and highly sought after.

Of course, we all know this, on some level. But writers often seem to think the “access issue” is at least 25%, or even 50%, of what determines whether a screenwriter gets their work sold and produced. And they tend to put a lot of time and energy into trying to “crack the code” of getting their work to the right people in the right way.

But it’s really not that complicated or hard. It requires a little research and diligence (and a thick skin), but getting your logline and premise or synopsis in front of these kinds of people is fairly simple.

There are multiple sources online where you can find e-mail addresses for managers, as well as producers – such as Itsonthegrid.com and IMDB Pro. The e-mail should be addressed to a specific individual. The manager I spoke with recommends you provide the logline and genre of your script, then a paragraph or two synopsis of the story (not a tease, but a real synopsis that explains the story).

Below that, you might include any important contests you’ve won, or other impressive writing background you might have – though that is strictly optional.

Many will not be as generous as this manager, in terms of being impressed enough by the query to ask to read the script. In some cases, it will have to really sound like a viable movie they could sell – or at least a viable writer who is very much on the right track.

But getting the “read,” at the end of the day, is not the key thing. What’s key is delivering with a script they think has a chance, that they can really do something with when they get it.

I guess it depends on your viewpoint whether this is “good news” or “bad news.” But I will tell you it’s what people inside the industry all tend to believe. They’re not trying to keep out marketable writing and writers. They are just so bombarded by material that isn’t marketable, in their view, that they have to put up somewhat of a wall to allow them to focus on serving their existing clients – which, trust me, is a very full-time job.

But these walls are not as solid as you might think. And they all want what you pitch and send to them to be something they think could sell and get produced. They’re really on your side in that. The tough part is creating such a thing. I know, because I grapple with this challenge myself, as a professional writer (and consultant to other writers) every day.

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Go forward and win!

Through the month of April and May get a 15% discount on Critiques

Screenplays

Critique: $50.00 Flat Fee, Discount fee $42.50

 Includes evaluating the basis elements of a script

•  Introduction
•  Development
•  Climax
•  Conclusion
• Character development 
•  Mid point development

Critiques also provide suggestions for improvements and enhancement. 

Payments are made by Paypal or cashier check by mail.


Other services are at regular price.


Editing: $45.00 Flat Fee

Query Letters: $25.00 Flat Fee 

•  Evaluating formatting to industry standards
•  Spelling, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.

Turnaround time:
Editing: 2 weeks
Critique: 2 weeks

Query Letters: 2 weeks

Feel free to contact me at ahicks4298@q.com orahicks4298@msn.com.

Feel to call me at (360) 696-4298. Ask for Frances.

Writer's Digest Tutorials: Writing A Selling Romance

WRITER'S DIGEST TUTORIALS

For ahicks4298@q.com April 25, 2012

In This Issue From the Editor Featured Tutorial: How to Make Your Romance Hot Enough for an Agent Missed a previous tutorial? Live Webinar | The Publishable Novel: How to get an Acquisition Editor to say "YES!" Writer's Digest Tutorials Membership Options Special Opportunity: Online Agent Fiction Pitch Slam From the Editor Wherever you are reading this note from—I sincerely hope it's a great day for you! As I work on the tutorials, I always find it interesting as not only do the tutorials relate to our writing goals and careers—I also find that they relate well to life in general. Those of you that read my note last week know about the unfortunate loss of my kitty. The update to that is this: we adopted an 8-month old kitten that had been in a shelter for far too long. She's adjusting well, and we are adjusting well. But this led me to this conclusion (yes, which I already knew, but it was a great reminder): the one constant is change.  As you are also well aware, publishing is an ever-changing market. And for those of us that write, who doesn't aspire to be a published author? This week's tutorial touches on this, but it also heavily focuses on a super HOT genre in today's market: Romance.  How to Make Your Romance Hot Enough for an Agent is an enlightening and engaging tutorial. Romance novels represent a huge chunk of fiction sales. Readers devour romance. Agents are hungry to sell romance to publishing houses. If you write in this HOT genre, you need to know what captures the attention of an agent, an editor, and all those voracious readers!  Side note...but...before you any read further, promise me that you'll come back to the newsletter and finish reading or will at least take a peek at the clip of today's featured tutorial. (Thank you!) Remember how I mentioned the Writer's Digest YouTube channeland the special drawing? The full details of the drawing can be found here:http://bit.ly/Ia1bSu. Any of you that already subscribed to the channel have automatically been entered into the drawing!  Be looking for next week's newsletter where I'll highlight our newest tutorial. Please also feel free to preview the many tutorials available to you through the Writer's Digest Tutorials site! Wishing you only the best! Julie Oblander Online Education Manager Writer's Digest Tutorials Featured Tutorial: How to Make Your Romance Hot Enough for an Agent Romance novels represent a huge chunk of fiction sales. Readers devour romance. Agents are hungry to sell romance to publishing houses. If you write in this HOT genre, you need to know what captures the attention of an agent, an editor, and all those voracious readers!  Instructor Sara Megibow has worked at the Nelson Literary Agency since 2006. As a literary agent, Sara has enjoyed tremendous success selling debut romance authors into major New York publishing houses.  In this 81-minute tutorial video, you'll learn:  The specific elements of a romance novel agents look for in submissions. How to analyze your writing, your platform, your hook, and your pitch.  Common red flags to avoid in your romance novel.  Places to go to get your work reviewed and critiqued.  How to make an accurate list of legitimate agents who rep romance novels and how to approach them successfully.  How to mold a successful publishing career out of the options you have in today's ever-changing market. Preview this new tutorial or subscribe to watch it today > Missed a previous tutorial? Try one of these . . . An Agent's Tips on Story Structures that Sell 150 Ways to Make Your Book Successful - Part 1 150 Ways to Make Your Book Successful - Part 2 150 Ways to Make Your Book Successful - Part 3 A new tutorial is added every week at Writer's Digest Tutorials. Don't miss out!Subscribe today OR download tutorials individually through the Writer's Digest Shop. Writing the Great American RomanceSale: $19.95 Buy Now > On Writing Romance eBookSale: $16.99 Buy Now > How to Write & Sell Your First NovelSale: $9.34 Buy Now > Live Webinar | The Publishable Novel: How to get an Acquisition Editor to say "YES!" There's still time to register and attend!  Session date: Thursday, April 26, 2012 Starting time: 1:00 p.m. EST Duration: 90 minutes  In this webinar, you will learn the elements and standards used by acquisition editors in selecting material, as well as the criteria and considerations, and even the attitudes that acquisition editors bring to submitted manuscripts. We will show you how to leverage your skills and experience to serve your career goals in publishing. Above all, you will learn how to get the acquisition editor to say, "Yes!"  This webinar includes a critique! You are invited to submit a one-page synopsis for critique by one of the presenters.  SPECIAL BONUS! Each registrant will ALSO receive a FREE 3-month subscription to WritersMarket.com. WritersMarket.com is the premiere resource to find agents and publishers who are interested in your type of work. Learn More or Register Today > Visit WritersDigestShop.com to browse the full selection of webinars and tutorials > Writer's Digest Tutorials Membership Options 1-Month Full-Library Subscription Want to try us out? Buy a 1-month membership and receive access to our entire collection.Subscribe Now >6-Month Full-Library Subscription Purchase a membership to all of our videos for 6 months and watch them whenever you'd like. Subscribe Now > 12-Month Full-Library Subscription -- Best Value! Get access to all of our writing workshops for an entire year. Watch every video whenever you like and as often as you would like and be the first to watch the new tutorial we post each week. Subscribe Now > Special Opportunity: Online Agent Fiction Pitch Slam Have you ever wished that you had the attention of an agent, as well as the training necessary to craft the perfect pitch? At the Writer's Digest Online Agent Fiction Pitch Slam, you'll get the instruction and opportunity you need to do both!  This experience begins on Thursday, April 26 and concludes Tuesday, May 1, 2012.  Space is limited . . . only 8 seats left!

Pacing Your Script

Back in film school, one of my editing teachers said that watching student films was often like watching normal films that were in slow motion. Reading scripts by newer writers is a very similar experience—the mental movie the script is describing “looks” like a normal film, but often plays much more slowly.

One of the elements that makes a professional-level script stand out is it moves in a speed and rhythm that feels like what we’re used to getting in a theater. Like editing, script pacing is something most people only notice when it falls short.

While every writer and screenplay is different, there are several common missteps that often contribute to making the pacing slow or uneven in a script. Finding and addressing these problems will help to turn your scripts into fast, fun, professional reads.

Density. As a form, screenwriting puts a high value on brevity. When you read a novel or article, it’s a solid wall of words. But scripts should be broken up into beats and moments. Paragraphs should be no more than four lines long, and even those ought to be rare. A script should have a ton of white space on the page. If the description is relayed in vast bricks, it’s slamming the read to a stop.

Keep in mind that a movie is, at its core, an emotional experience. A script should reflect the emotions that the movie it will become is trying to relay. For example, a fast and exciting action sequence should be a fast and exciting read. If the scene is relayed to us in a big, undigested wad, it’s undercutting its own efforts.

Many readers won’t even take the time to plow into a dense page. They will simply skip over it and figure out what happened from dialogue.

Length. The standard length of screenplays used to be 120 pages. In the current market, that is more often seen as a maximum. A lot of professional scripts getting shopped around town are in the 90s or low-100s. This especially goes for comedy, action and horror, which tend toward the shorter end of the spectrum. That fact doesn’t mean longer scripts don’t exist, only that a shorter script is an easier read and, to be honest, often a better read. An action-thriller that is cumbersome at 130 pages has a chance to sing if it’s 90 pages. Shorter scripts are often read sooner, as well. Anyone can bang out a 90-page read over lunch, while an epic phone book will usually have to wait for the weekend read.

Along with density, be aware: The fewer words there are in a script, the more likely they will be read.

Focus. One of the reasons scripts get so long is they lose focus on their A-stories; that is, the main spine of “what the movie is about,” the realization of the logline. Every page and every scene should have a direct relation to the A-story. A script that wanders down narrative sideroads and gets distracted by subplots loses its focus. The direction of the story isn’t clear. It’s meandering instead of sprinting.

Have you ever watched deleted scenes on a DVD? They were removed from the theatrical cut for a reason. Even if a scene is well-shot, acted and written, if it doesn’t add to the A-story, it has to go.

If you have a longer script, try this exercise: Pretend that you have a shot at getting traction under the script, but only if you cut 10 pages. What would you lose, and why? Now ask yourself: Why are those 10 pages still there? As much as you may be in love with the story as is, it’s almost guaranteed that there is a great, shorter, and more concentrated version of the same story.

Get in, get out. A script should treat a scene like it’s a house on fire: Run inside at the last possible moment, grab only the most valuable things, and get the hell out.

A script that violates this idea often pads itself with a lot of unnecessary “entry” and “exit.” It forces us to watch a character do things like pull into a driveway and walk up to the door before we get to the reason why he’s here: to talk to the woman in the house. Then, after we get the dialogue, we are treated to the nail-biting tension of the character leaving and driving home, and so on.

This flaw brings us back to focus. You’re probably well-aware that every script has a logline. But every scene has a logline, as well—a single, clear purpose. Even if the scene does add to the A-story, we should only get the absolute necessary part, the sweet center of the beat. Anything else is just clutter.

Unnecessary detail. Screenwriting isn’t novel writing, and a script should never be asked to lug around the same level of detail as a novel. A script is a description of a movie, and cinema is, by nature, a visual medium. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a script should reflect that by giving the reader only as much information as is needed to understand and enjoy the story.

Here’s an example that touches on both “get in, get out” and unnecessary detail:

INT. BOB’S HOUSE — KITCHEN — DAY

Bob wanders into the kitchen. He opens the refrigerator, hunts around for a moment, and pulls out a beer. He gets a glass from the cabinet. Bob pours the beer into the glass and takes a sip.

The phone RINGS. Bob looks at the caller ID and smiles, recognizing the name. He hits a button and answers.

BOB

(into phone)

Hello, Janet. How are you?

JANET (V.O.)

Bob, your dog is dead.

Bob puts the beer down and sits, collecting himself.

Snooze. That’s because it’s loaded with a ton of stuff that has nothing to do with telling a story. The logline of the scene is “Bob finds out his dog is dead.” So, let’s get into that beat as quickly as possible:

INT. BOB’S HOUSE — KITCHEN — DAY

Bob slugs a beer. The phone RINGS. He checks the caller ID and grabs it.

BOB

(into phone)

How’s my dog?

JANET (V.O.)

Sorry, Bob. He’s dead.

Why do we even need the beer? Unless it adds something, let’s drop it. Also, keep the first rule of writing in mind: “Show, don’t tell.” This especially applies in screenwriting. An image is almost always better and more powerful than words. With that in mind:

INT. BOB’S HOUSE — KITCHEN — DAY

BOB

(into phone)

How’s my dog?

He cracks a beer and drinks as he listens. After a moment, he hangs up and THROWS the beer against the wall.

CUT TO:

EXT. PET CEMETERY — DAY

Bob watches a dog-sized coffin lower into the ground.

See what I mean? The function of the beer is to give Bob something to throw to show the audience that the answer to his question is upsetting. Instead of telling Bob/the audience his dog is dead, we cut to the funeral. Action. Images. No padding. We move to the next beat and maintain momentum.

Stutter beats. A “stutter beat” is a scene that has a logline too similar to something that came before it. Instead of just giving the reader one scene that fulfills one plot function, it splits the plot beat across two or more scenes.

Stutter beats are different from build. Let’s say after Bob buries his dog, we get a scene of Bob shooting hoops in his backyard. The logline—and message to the audience—is “Bob shoots hoops when he’s upset.” We cut away to something else, and come back later to see Bob again shooting hoops.

If the scene doesn’t add new information, it’s a stutter beat, as the idea has already been established. But if Bob is getting better at shooting hoops, that’s new information, and a new logline: “Bob gets better.” It’s build, instead of stutter.

Structure. In standard three-act screenplay structure, plot point one typically lands on or around page 30, which is when the main action of the logline kicks in. In order to make sure it lands in the “right” place, sometimes writers force the reader to wade through 29 pages of watching the characters hang around, engage in long conversations, waste time, and do nothing, padding out the page length until the movie can “start.” Not only is this approach incorrect, it front-loads the story with a lot of boring and meaningless scenes, counting on the reader’s patience to make it to page 30 when all the cool stuff happens. Many readers won’t make it that far. After 10 pages of boredom, they will simply dream up a reason to pass, put the script down, and move on to the next one.

It’s better not to force plot point one. If the script doesn’t have enough story to fill 29 pages at the top, consider shifting the beat that is currently your plot point one to the inciting incident, around page 17, or even the opening scene. It’s better to throw the story into the deep and force it to learn how to swim, rather than letting it tread water, if you get my drift. If that method doesn’t work, perhaps a different way into the story will generate more character and conflict. Otherwise, there is the possibility that the concept doesn’t offer enough story to fuel a full feature script.

Dialogue. Dialogue is often the biggest culprit in slowing down a script’s read. Characters love to talk … and talk … and talk … and talk. They require discipline. While good dialogue should feel organic, the characters need to stay on point. It is a fine balance to strike, which is often why some of the best-known screenwriters in the business define themselves through excellent dialogue. There are several ways dialogue can bog down the script. They include:

Repetition. Every piece of dialogue isn’t just something an imaginary person says; as with the logline of a scene, it is also a message to the audience. Thus, if we establish an idea, we should only come back to the idea if it adds something to the script. Otherwise, it’s just repetition, slowing down the read and wasting everyone’s time.

BOB

The plane lands at midnight.

JANET

I can’t wait.

BOB

Only two more hours until midnight, when the plane is going to land.

JANET

You can shut up now, Bob.

A related version of this scene is when characters say things “one-and-a-half” times. That is, they’re adding information, but in an inefficient way—spreading the ideas across multiple lines instead of just hitting the message and moving on. Here’s the one-and-a-half version:

BOB

The plane lands at midnight.

JANET

I can’t wait.

BOB

It’s bringing my new dog.

Better:

BOB

The plane with my new dog lands at midnight.

Instead of burning an eighth of a page, we say that same thing in a single line.

Chitty chat. Characters should sound true, but in the interest of storytelling, movies have their own internal reality. In real life, for instance, people spend a lot of time engaging in small talk and trading empty pleasantries. “Hi.” “Hello.” “How ya doin’?” “Fine.” “Pleased to meet you.” “You, too.”

There are always exceptions. For example, if a character is being purposely distant in order to avoid answering a question, he might hide behind banal small talk until he can get out of the situation. Otherwise, though, chitty chat isn’t just slowing down the read, it’s taking up page space that could be filled with more pertinent and interesting dialogue.

In screenwriting, you don’t earn extra credit for including more than a story needs. It is better to have a shorter script that maintains focus on the A-story, tells it with imagery and sharp, polished dialogue, and breezes through with a ton of white space. Paraphrasing Mark Twain: “If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.” Apply this idea to your scripts, and they will be lightning.

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