Screenwriting: Dialogue

                                                                                                                                                   

Only your dialogue can flesh this guy out into a three-dimensional character

As we all know, the name of the game is to write a script so good that anyone who reads it says “this guy/gal’s got it!” Many times, the dialogue in a script can be the one thing that makes people want to champion your work. The best example being Juno, which got accepted into the Sundance Screenwriter’s program and later turned into a movie based on the strength (and arguably the originality) of the dialogue.

The action lines were serviceable, and the story was fine, but the dialogue – whoa. When the Sundance list hit agent and manager’s inboxes and Juno first started getting passed around, you would have thought no one in Hollywood had ever read great dialogue until Diablo Cody slapped them upside the head with it. Looking back, it was absolutely ridiculous the hyperbole being thrown around – but at the end of the day, her voice was so strong and the dialogue so interesting, and yes, full of subtext, that dialogue alone landed her a big career.

So what are the different aspects you need to integrate into your dialogue to make it pop? First, let’s touch on some basics:

1. Too Much Dialogue

A script is not a play – your goal is NOT to have dialogue that looks like a bunch of monologues. Try to keep 95% of your dialogue to 3 lines or less on the page. Clever dialogue is found in quick back and forth exchanges, not prose-y speeches. Think about one of the best screenwriters known for his dialogue – Aaron Sorkin. Have you ever watched a scene from The West Wing? Here’s an example. Now, it’s not perfect by any stretch, but it illustrates the point that if you keep it snappy, it keeps it moving. And a fast moving script, like a fast moving story, is entertaining and – sometimes – it can move so fast that you don’t have time to realize whether it’s great quality or not. You just know you’re entertained. So, use it to your advantage. Keep the dialogue short, quick back and forths, and you’ll reveal plot and character just as quickly.

Another great show gone before it was done bein' awesome

Now, a side point I want to make about this, and what Sorkin does so well in one of my other favorite shows, Sports Night, is he uses quick back and forths to set up a brilliant monologue. You don’t get a whole bunch of monologues during the course of one show, but you get one that really sticks you in the gut. And THAT is how you use a monologue like a pro. Here is one of my favorite scenes in the entire series. It’s not perfect, and the first season of Sports Nightwas just getting some footing and the laugh track was horrible, but it should illustrate my point:

2. Lack of Subtext

We’ve all heard the word. We know what it means. And yet it is the most common reason for bad dialogue. The absolute number one mark of an amateur is dialogue that lacks subtext. Subtext is when a character says something and we (the reader or audience) can tell or know that there is something behind the words of what is being said. For example, let’s take a protagonist we know is hurting from a break up, and he runs into his ex on the street:

EX-GIRLFRIEND

The weather’s pretty nice today.

PROTAGONIST

Seems kind of cold to me.

Now, it’s not the world’s best writing. But you get my example. We, the reader, know there’s something behind the protagonist’s words. He’s making a dig at his ex, and referencing their break-up – all while on the surface talking about the weather. That’s subtext.

When it comes to dialogue and subtext, never ever have a character come out and say what he is thinking or feeling. Brilliant characters have us discover/uncover what’s going on inside their heads by their actions, or how they dance around important topics when they’re talking – not how they address them head on.

Here is an example of what I’m talking about in a script by Allan Loeb called Only Living Boy in New York:

The Only Living Boys in New York

Now, say what you will about Loeb’s produced movies, but his scripts are excellent reads – and this script, along with Things We Lost in the Fire were low concept indie scripts that got him big writing assignments and truly launched his career. This script in particular has long been on lists of “the best unproduced scripts,” and has been in development for awhile. Now, onto what you should notice from the script…

First, it’s obvious that Thomas is hopelessly and totally in love with Mimi from the get go, and if you read the entire story the art gallery scene not only does a fantastic job setting up the whole movie, but it sets up the theme brilliantly as well.  Notice how the characters dance around the elephant in the room for as long as possible – and then BAM! Thomas is forced to bring the elephant into play (that they slept together). Even when Thomas is laying out on the table, he’s not really laying it out on the table. We know he’s hopelessly and deeply in love with her – but does he ever say it? NO. And we can tell from Mimi’s opening line and subsequent dialogue that she knows he’s hopelessly in love with her – but she never addresses it head on. She uses the critique of the art piece they are looking at to circumvent actually having to SAY what she’s really thinking. This scene is full of all kinds of other subtext, but you get the drift.

3. Characters All Sounding the Same

Now, common culprit that keeps writers from making their work studio quality material is characters that sound exactly alike. Remember, each character in your script is a living, breathing, thinking person with different wants, needs, and point of view from the others.

A good exercise to fleshing out characters is to figure out what each character’s super objective is. It sounds like a hokey term, but in essence you figure out what a character truly wants in life (not necessarily in the story). These are the big things, the ones in our very core – to love, to be loved, to be powerful, to be respected, etc.

Once you figure that out, realize that this is JUST to determine their core character – how they approach every situation and character they encounter during the course of your story. It’s the foundation, and while it’s certainly the most important layer, there are more layers: the style, and the details.

A character’s style is not about their fashion, but about how, knowing their core, they approach life and other people. Things like humor, vanity, selfishness, selflessness, etc. You can think of a character’s style as a collection of their coping and defense mechanisms. How they get by on their day to day life.

Oh c'mon. You were thinkin' it when you saw the headline. I'm just obliging.

The details are how, knowing their core and their style, what little actions they take frequently. For instance, if he drinks a lot, or is always fixing his hair or keeps a pack of cigarettes rolled up in his sleeve – even though he never actually smokes.  Each person has their own unique tics – and as they say the devil is in the details. Well, the character is right there with El Diablo (call back!) as well.

So to finish up what you need to notice about the Only Living Boy in New York script, between the character’s roundabout way of parsing out information, their distinct voices from each other (stemming from different wants), and the dialogue feeding into the theme – each of those individually are subtext, but the fact that all three are present clues the reader in that the writer is a professional.

4. Word Pictures / Visuals Within the Dialogue

As you know, great action lines have visuals that pop and succinct word pictures. Things that when we read it, we can quickly and easily see it in our minds. It’s the difference between:

A. The notebook gets passed over the table

B. The bulging notebook slides across the table

When talking about action lines, it’s obvious why and how to integrate word pictures. But what about dialogue?

Well, obviously if a character is speaking ABOUT something, if they can say it in a visual fashion, the audience will be able to quick and easier see (and depending on how good you are) and feel it in their own heads. Here is another example from Sports Night (I’m a Sports Night machine, I know).

Notice how he describes how his brother was a genius (‘the kit he built…”), notice “you deserved better in my hands” (which is a nice use of a metaphorical word picture), notice how we can see in our heads what must have happened that fateful night he ran a red light. THIS is visual dialogue.

5. Leaving the Obvious Out

I’m not going to get too deep into this, as it’s pretty self explanatory and most of you are already doing this well. Basically, another aspect of great dialogue is about leaving the obvious out. This does go hand in hand with subtext, but it comes at it from a different angle. On its most basic level, it’s when we as an audience are expecting a character to say something… and then they dont. Maybe they give a look, or say something else, or don’t say anything at all, but we get it anyway. An easy example would be if we’re in a romantic scene, and we are expecting the Protagonist to finally(!) say “I love you.” But instead, he looks deep in her (or his) eyes and:

PROTAGONIST

I want you to know-

LOVE INTEREST

I know. You too.

They kiss deeply.

So, that’s leaving the obvious out. An extension of that is (drum roll….)

6. Changing the Obvious Up

This one is pretty self explanatory, but it’s about taking the audience expectations and turning them on it’s head. For instance, if a female protagonist were to ask a male protagonist for his hand in marriage. While it’s the 21st century, this hasn’t been done too often in movies or TV yet, so it’s unexpected.

Lastly, we have one of Sorkin’s (and mine) favorites:

7. Call Backs

When a character references something that was said earlier, either by themselves or another character, it’s a call back. Sorkin’s work is full of this, as is Mamet’s and others. It’s usually used as a way to inject humor, but it can definitely be used for dramatic effect as well. In the Sports Night clip earlier, Dana said “You’re ruining my show” when she walked into Dan’s office, and then again when she left. That’s a call back.

Now, here’s a script that features call backs, changing the obvious up, leaving the obvious out, and a whole host of other things we’ve highlighted in this article. Ready, here we go:

Now, this scene is about Ben going home with his girlfriend to meet her family. It’s the type of scene we’ve seen many times before, usually played for comedy. Except these pages takes the Meet the Parents set up and turns it into a subtle, beautiful, realistic situation. My favorite moment in these pages is when Ben does a call back to Olivia’s “I did the math.” That moment is brilliant because not only is it a nice call back for the audience, but the fact that Ben uses it makes this little girl he’s trying to befriend totally go all-in to Ben’s camp. The part where we realize the father is going to accept him when he gives him the glove his father gave him leaves out the obvious – he doesn’t actually tell Ben he likes him or that he is glad he’s his daughter’s boyfriend. He doesn’t have to because of the ACTION he took. Instead, he just says “welcome to the family” – but that line has so much more meaning BECAUSE he didnt come out and praise Ben. How this scene plays out really speaks to “changing the obvious” as we’ve seen this set up before so many times – played for broad comedy – that it’s refreshing to see it played softly.

I’m not saying these are perfect pages (it’s from a rough draft of one of my favorite writer’s passion projects), but they do a great job illustrating the last three points I wanted to make.

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Go forward and win!

If you need help with formatting your script, try my editing service for screenplays.

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Screenwriting: Effective Action Lines

Thelma and Louise perform their signature move "The Evel Knievel"

The saying goes that rules were meant to be broken. Well, if you want your work to be relegated to the trash bin, then jump in that Thunderbird with Thelma and Louise and follow them off the cliff.

Now, I’m going to make a psychic prediction. I sense that while reading this article you’ll be thinking to yourself,  “I’ve read movie scripts by Shane Black and Charlie Kaufman and they don’t follow these rules. You must be wrong. Well, as the other saying goes, when you’re Shane Black you can write however you damn well please.

Before we go on, let’s break that one down for a second. Why is there a discrepancy between the style and technical aspects of the produced scripts you read online and what I am about to tell you?

Basically, until you are a KNOWN quantity in Hollywood, with a reputation for being a great writer, you are assumed to be Just Another Crappy One.  So until the day comes when you’re recognized for your genius, you have to write better than the professionals. And that means you have to follow a few rules in order to help make your script a fast, crisp, easy read.

If your script is lucky enough to land in an agent’s (or producer’s) take home pile, and you’re just another random writer, you’ve got about 5 pages to prove you can actually write.  And for an unknown, that means they want a quick read. If you can deliver that – even if other aspects are less than stellar – you will have a huge leg up on the competition.

Ready to get started? Here’s how you’re going to do it:

Rule #1: Every paragraph of action lines should be 3 lines or less.

Below you will find an excellent example and one you should study: the first two pages of the script for Saving Private Ryan.

SPR – first 2 pages

Entire scripts, as a rule, are like poems. If I were to write the previous sentence as a line of action in a script, it would read simply “Scripts are like poems.”

As such, you use the least amount of words possible, and don’t spend any time describing action or setting than we need to understand story, character, or to move the plot forward. As well, remember to keep everything in present tense.

The best of the best keep it at two lines per paragraph throughout most of the script, while still describing a heck of a lot.

Rule #2: Write Visually!

On the opening page of Saving Private Ryan you will see exactly what I’m talking about. Short sentences. Terse description. Easy to visualize. Evocative verbs.

This is how spec writers need to execute if they are to be taken seriously.

If you can use an arresting verb in place of a ho-hum or standard one, DO IT. For a simple example, it’s much more interesting to read, “The script slides across the table” than “the script gets passed across the table”.

Every single one of those four aspects is important (short sentences, terse description, easy to visualize and evocative verbs), so take each one into account and study how it’s done in these two pages. And though this is an action script, yes, this applies to all genres.

Now, look at the word choices:  SWARM of landing craft. ROAR of naval guns. SNOWSTORM of bullets. We can see the carnage in our heads, and all in very little time and page space.

As well, don’t be afraid of white space on the page. White space is, like, your total BFF, and the key to an easy read. As long as you can balance action lines that only tells us what we need to know with the dialogue, keep that speeding script on full throttle.

Rule #3:  Only write what we can SEE or HEAR on screen – and nothing more.

This is where Shane Black’s word flourishes differ most from what I’m suggesting you do. Remember, you’re not writing a novel – this is a screenplay. If you write wonderful prose, the audience won’t ever know it and the industry reader could give a sh*t. You’re wasting his or her time on things that either won’t end up on screen anyway, or illustrate to them that you obviously don’t know how to properly write in screenplay format.

It’s amusing and it works when it’s Shane Black because we already know he’s a hotshot. No one knows you from Joe Blow (yet).

Screenwriting 101 is about finding ways to convey character’s feelings, emotions, and layers through their actions – what they literally do on screen. This is an example I encountered recently:

She’s hurting inside, and we can see it. She’s a fighter though, so finding her inner composure, she puts the journal down on the table.

That’s lazy, amateurish screenwriting for several reasons:

1: Have the character DO something. Movies are about the external, novels are about the internal. Remember the format, always.

2: This is a character’s turning point, and it’s not only lacking visual dynamics, but even worse, it’s boring.

An example of how this could have read:

She angrily wipes away a tear before slamming the journal down on the table.

This is more visually interesting and tells us much more about her internal feelings – all without dialogue. You can convey so much more about the story, characters, and theme with action lines and what we see a character DO than you can with dialogue. Which is just one more reason why writing great action lines can be your magic bullet.

If you can fill the script with those amazing silent moments (check out the VERDICT video in the link above) that bring to life a character and who they are, or those small, brilliant moments that define a great movie – you are two steps ahead of everyone else. One great example of a small, brilliant moment is in the Godfather, when Michael calmly and coldly closes the door in his wife’s face as she lets out a sob. Or, of course,  the very last minute of  The Graduate.

Rule #4: Never Use Camera Directions In Your Script

I can already see the hate mail piling up now. I know this one is a particularly controversial rule and there are adamant defenders of having *some* camera directions in a script, but I can tell you from industry experience: people hate that sh*t.

All the way around, really. Directors hate it because they think you’re trying to tell them how to do their job. Actors hate it because “it gets in the way” or they don’t understand it. Execs hate it because they think you’re full of yourself, and Reps and Producers think it’s the sign of an amateur. If any of these types of people see camera directions in the first few pages, it could be the very excuse they need to throw the script away without reading anymore (those tales of tall read piles? Not fictional. We really do look for any reason to stop reading a script).

At the end of the day, that’s really what these rules are all about – protecting yourself and your script. Getting an agent or selling your first script are already uphill battles – don’t make it any harder on yourself than it has to be. Give yourself the best opportunity to get your script read from cover to cover, and write action lines better than a pro so that they can’t use your technical writing skills as an excuse to throw your script away.

Write an easy read, with crisp action that evoke great images while using the least amount of words possible.

In the end, it turned out my screenwriting teachers were right. So don’t take years to learn the hard way like I did – integrate this stuff into your scripts right now. Your work will improve drastically, and you’ll be one step closer to your dream by having a studio ready script.

Good luck and happy writing!

Here’s your weekly inspiration for a four-quandrant high-concept movie idea:

Who else smells an ODD COUPLE remake?

Go forward and win!

If you need help with formatting your script, try my editing service for screenplays.

Screenplays

Editing: $45.00 Flat Fee

•  Evaluating formatting to industry standards
•  Spelling, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.

Critique: $50.00 Flat Fee
 Includes evaluating the basis elements of a script

•  Introduction
•  Development
•  Climax
•  Conclusion
• Character development 
•  Mid point development

Critiques also provide suggestions for improvements and enhancement. 


Payments are made by Paypal or cashier check by mail.


Feel free to contact me at ahicks4298@q.com or call at (360) 696-4298. address or ask for Frances.




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Ending your Novel Or Screenplay With a Punch

Now for the big ending!

In learning how to end your novel or screenplay with a punch, it’s important to know what you can and can’t do to write success novel endings that attract agents, publishers, producers, and, most important, readers and viewers. Here are the dos and don’ts of writing a strong closer.

Don’t introduce any new characters or subplots. Any appearances within the last 50 pages of a novel or last 30 pages of a script should have been foreshadowed earlier, even if mysteriously.

Don’t describe, muse, explain or philosophize. Keep description to a minimum, but maximize action and conflict. You have placed all your charges. Now, light the fuse and run.

Do create that sense of Oh, wow! Your best novelties and biggest surprises should go here. Readers love it when some early, trivial detail plays a part in the finale. One or more of those things need to show up here as decisive elements.

Do enmesh your reader deeply in the outcome. Get her so involved that she cannot put down your novel or screenplay to anything else or read anything else until she sees how it turns out.

DO Resolve the central conflict. You don’t have to provide a happily-ever-after ending, but do try to uplift. Readers want to be uplifted, and editors try to give readers what they want.

Do Afford redemption to your heroic character. No matter how many mistakes she has made along the way, allow the reader—and the character—to realize that, in the end, she has done the right thing.

Do Tie up loose ends of significance. Every question you planted in a reader’s mind should be addressed, even if the answer is to say that a character will address that issue later, after the book or screenplay ends.

Do Mirror your final words to events in your opener. When you begin a journey of writing a novel or screenplay, already having established a destination, it’s much easier to make calculated detours, twists and turns in your storytelling tactics. When you reach the ending, go back to ensure some element in each of your complications will point to it. It’s the tie-back tactic. You don’t have to telegraph the finish. Merely create a feeling that the final words hearken to an earlier moment in the story.

Don’t change voice, tone or attitude. An ending will feel tacked on if the voice of the narrator suddenly sounds alien to the voice that’s been consistent.

Don’t resort to gimmicks. No quirky twists or trick endings. You’re at the end of your story, and if your reader has stuck with you the whole time, it’s because you’ve engaged her, because she has participated. The final impression you want to create is a positive one. Don’t leave your reader feeling tricked or cheated.

**************************************************************************************** 

Go forward and win!

If you need help with formatting your script, try my editing service for screenplays.

Screenplays

Editing: $45.00 Flat Fee

•  Evaluating formatting to industry standards
•  Spelling, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.

Critique: $50.00 Flat Fee
 Includes evaluating the basis elements of a script

•  Introduction
•  Development
•  Climax
•  Conclusion
• Character development 
•  Mid point development

Critiques also provide suggestions for improvements and enhancement. 


Payments are made by Paypal or cashier check by mail.


Feel free to contact me at ahicks4298@q.com or call at (360) 696-4298. address or ask for Frances.




Film script format, writing film scripts, screenwriting services, coverage service, screenplay formatting margins, screenplay writing, screenplay format example, Search terms: screenplays, screenwriting service, edit and critique service, writing screenplays, screenplay format, loglines, query letter, film scripts, movie scripts, screenplay format, screenplay synopsis, script synopsis, treatment, proofreading service for writers, novels, writing services, fiction writing, film script format, writing flim scripts, screenwriting service, coverage service, screenplay critique service, screenplay format margins, screenplay writing, screenplay format example, free writing tutorials,   script consultant, screenwriting jobs, film production companies